Something To Believe In
by KeepMeSafeInside
Summary: What are you supposed to believe in when it seems like there's nothing to believe in? Sometimes you just need to find one thing to believe in and hold onto it. Jace and Clary both found something to believe in through their trips of life. Oneshot.


**IMPORTANT: If the first word, or in some cases two, they are Jace's POV. If there's nothing then it's Clary's POV.**

**This is based of the song: _Religion_ by Skylar Grey.**

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><p>Life is full of those little fuck you's aren't they?<p>

How many times have you seen someone to get something that they had wanted only to have it taken away?

So many times.

_I saw a man die the day he got out of jail,_

One morning I was driving past the local jail when a man who was wrongly convicted finished up his sentencing and finally got out of jail.

Good for him to finally be off the hook.

I continued on my way driving downtown to work without stopping.

He was in jail for four years because of a case he was wrongly convicted in.

Nobody would listen to his side and he ended up with a sentence of four years without parole.

I can only imagine how happy he must be to finally be out of jail.

How happy he must be to be going back to a family he hadn't been able to properly see in so long.

I pulled into the parking lot of the boutique I worked at and walked in with no more thoughts of the man who had just been released from jail.

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As I was picking up some groceries after work I saw that man again.

He was grabbing a gallon of milk with a huge smile on his face.

I guess he was happy to finally being able to do things on his own again.

Maybe he felt useless not being able to do anything for himself for four years, and now that he was finally able to do things on his own he was super happy to do it.

I'd personally never seen anyone so happy to grab a gallon of milk until this moment.

Turning away I walked to the cash register and paid for my groceries.

As I was walking to my car I saw the man once again.

He was walking towards his own car with a bright smile on his face.

It was almost as if nothing could go wrong when I heard a shot ring out and he fell to the ground.

I dropped my bags and whirled around looking for the culprit, but to no avail.

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When I got home I sat on the couch numbly and listened as the news went over the broadcast explaining the event I had witnessed at the grocery store.

I wrapped my arms around my knees feeling the despair of how cruel life could actually be.

A man who didn't deserve to go to jail ended up getting shot that same day. Life was a bitch wasn't it?

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_I bought a new car and got caught in the hail,_

Two months later I was at the library on a wintery day.

The roads were icy and it was dangerous to be driving on them.

Some moron wasn't paying attention to the road and skidded into my car sending it off the road.

It was a good thing I wasn't in the car because the library was on a small hill so my car ended up rolling down the hill and hitting a tree, catching on fire.

Now I was at the dealership getting a new car.

As I was about to pull out of the parking lot of the dealership it started to hail really hard.

I was stuck there not being able to go anywhere until the hail let up.

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By the time I was finally able to leave it was nine at night and I was tired.

It had been a long night, and I was hungry so I'd have to go home and cook dinner.

With a sullen face I carefully drove home watching other cars warily until I reached my destination.

As I slammed my car door shut I noticed the living room light on which was weird considering I'd left them off.

What was the point in turning them on when it was daylight and you were expecting to make it home before midnight?

This was going to be another one of those fuck you's, wasn't it?

I'd get into my house to find something stolen.

_Sometimes it feels like you got no-one on your side,_

Feeling alone I made my way inside expecting to be greeted by a trashed apartment.

To my surprise I saw Jace sitting on the couch watching the TV.

When I closed the door he looked up and his golden eyes were full of conflicting emotions.

I sagged in relief when I realized that this wouldn't be one of those small little fuck you's that life likes to throw at you when you least expect it.

"Are you okay?" Jace asked when he saw me standing at the doorway.

I nodded my head yes quietly.

In all honesty I was alone and exhausted.

I hadn't really had anyone with me for a while, and sometimes you just need someone to hold you.

_But I will be there holding you tight, yeah yeah,_

Jace seeming to understand this stood up and without a word walked over to me wrapping me in a tight, warm, embrace.

He didn't say anything and I didn't need him too.

After seeing that man get shot this is all that I had really needed was someone to be with me and holding me.

I relaxed into his hold and delicately wrapped my arms around his waist.

As we stood there holding onto each other I listened to Jace's steady heartbeat.

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After a while I let go of him to make us both a bowl of chicken noodle soup.

Jace sat on the couch watching the news as I cooked our dinner.

I didn't feel alone now as I had before Jace showed up at my apartment.

Now I felt a little less despair than I had been feeling.

When the soup was done cooking I called Jace into the dining room where we proceeded to eat in a comfortable silence.

After we had finished eating I went to bed, and invited Jace to join me.

We debated over it for a minute before he finally agreed.

_Holding you tight, yeah,_

I laid down on my side while Jace laid down on his side behind me wrapping his arms tightly around me.

_When you don't know what to believe in,_

Often throughout the months that I'd known Jace I had lost my way.

Forgetting what was real and what wasn't.

After seeing that man get shot I didn't know what to believe in anymore.

Should I believe in compassion?

Should I believe in pain?

Should I believe in despair?

Those months when I was by myself I walked around with no hope.

Hope was something that people believed in wasn't it?

As a kid people would believe that they would get married and that was every kids hope.

A depressed person's hope is that things will get better, so they hold onto the hope that it'll get better trying desperately to not lose hope.

Is hope and believing the same thing?

They kind of go hand in hand, but they're not exactly synonyms I suppose.

I looked at Jace as he sat beside me on the couch watching some stupid horror movie he insisted on us watching.

Jace was always so confident in himself I bet he always knew what to believe in and hope in.

I use to believe in the good in people, in life, but how can there be with all these little fuck you's that are always going around?

_Let me be your religion,_

That night as I was lying in bed with Jace I told him that I no longer knew what I should believe in.

I told him that I had lost my hope and my suspicions that believing and hope went hand in hand in a way.

He didn't tell me I was stupid, or laugh at me like I suspect many people would have.

Instead he pulled me closer to him and whispered into my ear: "Let me be your religion."

Then he kissed my cheek sweetly.

I nodded my head.

Jace was someone that I could always rely on. Even after not talking for months he did come around and hold me when I felt alone like I had no one.

If I were to believe in anything Jace was a good place to start believing.

I looked at Jace and he smiled at me.

Jace was going to be my religion.

Growing up he had always been my rock when I needed someone to be after I moved.

Before Jace it was Simon.

Simon couldn't move with me though when mom and dad divorced and I ended up staying here after I turned eighteen because after a few months at my new school I had met Jace.

Jace who ended up being my rock when I needed him to be was still my rock and now the one thing that I knew I could believe in.

"Thank you." I whispered to him snuggling into him a little more.

Jace smiled and pressed a kiss to my temple, "You're welcome."

_It's a fucked up world that we live in,_

As Jace and I were holding hands walking through the city he stopped me before crossing the street.

The stop light had said that we could walk through, but as Jace pulled me back a car zoomed pass close to the edge and narrowly missing me in their haste to get to wherever it is they wanted to be.

I gave Jace a small smile as he looked at me with concern on his face.

He pulled my closer to him and cupped my face in his hands.

He was wearing mittens because it was still winter and the air was frigid.

I could see his breaths in the air as he studied my face.

"Are you okay?" He asked in concern.

"I'm fine. Thank you." I answered softly.

After a little more checking Jace deemed me okay and we made our way back to my apartment being careful to not get run over.

Jace and I talked for a little while and watched Christmas movies that had come on.

We watched them until the six o'clock news came on when he changed the channel so he'd be able to watch it.

As he did so I got up to start cooking dinner which would be spaghetti.

The volume wasn't turned up very loud and I wasn't paying much attention until the news story about the shooting a few months ago came on.

Setting down the spaghetti noodles I made my way into the doorway leading into the living room and watched as the TV announced that the shooter who had killed the man who had been released from jail, Sebastian Verlac, had shot himself.

I guess after a few months the guilt of shooting Verlac became too much for him to bear.

Jace turned around and looked a little shocked to see me in the doorway, but before he could say anything to me I turned around and went back into the kitchen to finish cooking dinner.

Life is full of those little fuck you's.

Nobody really seems to think of it in that way. They think that something bad happens, so that's sad.

Nobody sees it for what it is.

There are so many of these stories going around now.

So many fucked up things in this world that nobody really realizes happens because they don't see it as a whole.

They see an individual horrible act every now and then.

How are people so hopeful when things like this happen?

How are you supposed to be able to focus on the good when all you can really see is the bad that happen all around you?

How do you believe that there is good in something that at first glance appears to be so evil?

I ignored the news the rest of the time I cooked dinner for Jace and myself.

It astounds me the things that people can do in this world.

Is it possible that it's not the world that's fucked up, but the people in this world who are fucked up which causes some of us to think that this is a fucked up world?

_So let me be your religion,_

_Yeah._

As I finished dinner I called for Jace to come into the kitchen.

When he showed up in the doorway with a lopsided smile on his face I remember what he'd told me the other night.

Jace would be what I believed in.

No matter how fucked the world is Jace is the one thing that I'm going to believe in because I know that I can trust him.

We sat down and ate dinner in silence.

He didn't bring up the news article and I was grateful for that because I didn't feel like talking about it again.

As I was eating I looked up to see Jace staring at me.

"What?" I asked subconsciously.

"You know you can always believe in me right?" He asked softly.

It was almost as if he knew what I was thinking when I saw him come into the kitchen as I was finishing dinner.

For all I know he did know what I was thinking because he's known me for so long.

I gave him a small smile, "I know that I can always believe in you." I responded just as quietly.

Jace gave me a smile of his own before resuming his own meal.

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After that night whenever the things people did that seemed idiotic and made the world seem fucked I would think of what Jace had told me.

I would always have Jace to believe in no matter what.

_You lost a big bet on the day you lost your job,_

I had been doing well financially.

My company had struck an oil well and we had a lot of money coming in which was good for me.

I wanted to buy Clary a ring.

Last year I realized after Clary's car got hit at the library that I loved her and I was ready to propose to her, but I wanted to be financially secure before I did that.

Now I was secured financially, but I wasn't so sure I had the balls to propose to her.

Feeling unsure I found myself in the bar drinking away.

I'm not sure how long I was in the bar drinking, but I ended up getting completely wasted that's all I am definitely aware of.

At one point during the night I had somebody come up to me and offer to be me on the baseball game that was going on.

Feeling rather cocky and confident after drinking I agreed to take his bet.

We each bet two thousand and I semi-consciously realized that if I lost I'd be screwed, but if I won I'd be even better off financially than I was now.

We watched the game and waited to see who would be the luck winner and the _very _unlucky loser.

As I felt myself becoming more aware I ordered another drink.

I began to realize that I might not win the bet and then I'd be fucked when this was over.

The guy next to me seemed to have lost his confidence too, and was getting antsy as well because soon he was drinking away.

It's amazing how much liquid confidence we both need right now.

I ordered a shot of honey whiskey and relished the warmth it shot through me.

That was what I really needed at the moment as the game came closer and closer to the end.

I looked at the guy sitting next to me to see that he didn't appear nervous at all.

He was very relaxed almost as if it was ensured that he would be the winner of this bet.

Vaguely I realized that if I lost this bet I still had a really god job that I could return too.

Sure I'd be poor as hell for a while, but at least I'd have a job which is a luxury that some people wouldn't even have.

I could always wait to buy Clary's ring as well.

Did I really not even buy her ring before coming and getting shitfaced?

I must have been more nervous than I realized.

These thoughts kept my mind from drifting towards the game which I was worried to watch.

Even if I would still have a job it would be embarrassing to lose to this guy.

I don't even know the man that I just made a bet with.

Beginning to get antsy I looked at the score.

There were ten minutes left to the game and I was losing.

It was close, so it wasn't too bad; there would still be hope for me, but it was bad enough that I began sweating.

The guy next to me had a smirk plastered onto his drunk face while I sobered up quickly.

My head wasn't so fuzzy now and I was more alert to what was happening around me.

The lightness that had been on my heart was erased from my mind as I watched in growing anticipation for the end of the game.

I watched in dread as the other team kept scoring higher and higher until I knew for a fact that there was no longer hope that I'd be able to win this bet.

Feeling shitty I ordered another drink hoping that I'd be able to get that lightness back on my heart.

Hoping that the weight from preparing to lose would be gone, but it stayed until it was over.

The man gloated saying he knew he'd win, and took the money stumbling out of the bar falling on his drunk ass more than once on the way out.

I probably would have laughed had I not bet so much money on the game.

So I drank some more.

Liquid confidence is a bitch.

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As I was making my way back from the bar I got a phone call from my boss.

He seemed friendly at first, but soon I realized what was actually happening.

"I'm sorry Jace, but we can't pay all of our employees and you were one of the last added to our company. You're not the only one being laid off, I'm sorry Jace. I hope you can find another job."

Then he hung up.

Just like that I had lost everything.

At least I still had a place to stay though right?

The only problem I had now was that I no longer have a job to pay for my house.

Head down I walked home afraid I wouldn't have the money to even afford a cab.

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Somehow I ended up in my bed last night.

I cracked my eyes open only to have the sunlight filtering in through the room burn my eyes.

Groaning I rolled over and closed my eyes.

I had a massive headache and didn't want to get out of bed.

I pulled out my phone and sent Clary a text.

**Will you come over please? I feel like shit. –J**

I fell asleep almost as soon as I hit send.

I was out way to late last night, and I remember perfectly losing the bet.

Never again would I be stupid enough to make a bet that big when I can't think straight.

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When I woke up it was due to the fact that there was an insistent knocking on my door that, no matter what, I would instantly recognize as Clary's.

Groaning I got out of bed and slowly made my way to the door.

With each knock Clary made killed my head that much more.

If I knew it wouldn't hurt I would have yelled at her to knock it the fuck off, but she was here to help me and my head already killed.

When I opened the door her small fist was up in the air ready to knock again.

She looked surprised when I opened, probably taking in my appearance, but I didn't give her time to say anything.

I just grabbed her small fist with my own hand and pulled her inside shutting the door softly behind her.

"Are you hung-over?" Clary asked with her hands on her hips staring at me expectantly.

Nodding my head I started back to my bedroom to lay down and close my eyes for a while more.

To my disappointment I didn't hear Clary's soft footsteps following behind me.

Sighing I laid down on my stomach and closed my eyes.

I was surprised when I did hear Clary's quiet footsteps coming into my bedroom.

She didn't knock on the door, but came and sat down beside me on my bed.

Clary placed her soft hand on my shoulder and shook me gently.

"Here take some Advil and drink some water." She said softly so not to make my headache worse.

I complied with what my small redhead commanded and downed the glass and took the Advil.

After I did so I laid down and pulled Clary down beside me.

She made a small gasp, but didn't say anything.

I took this as a good sign and buried my face into her neck, falling back asleep.

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_You got evicted you said 'please help me God',_

When I woke up the next morning and went to my front door there was a notice on my door kicking me out.

Shit.

I hit my head on the door in frustration.

I had forgotten to the pay the rent once again.

It's not that I didn't have the money, well this time I didn't, but all the other times I forgot added up until I had to pay this time.

Sometimes I can kind of be a forgetful person.

I had until the end of the day to pack up my bags and move out.

I didn't have another place to go.

Going to Clary would be a burden because she's always been there for me.

"Please help me God" I muttered under my breath as I began to pack my bags.

If there was a God would he be letting this happen to me right now though?

I'd been a religious person for as long as I could remember, but right now I'm not sure I really believe in a God anymore.

How could I when he let bad things like this happen to me?

God was supposed to help us wasn't he?

Family was supposed to help me, but I didn't have that either.

So what the hell was I supposed to turn to?

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Since I didn't have a lot of stuff it didn't take me very long to pack my bags to leave.

Soon enough I was outside in the spring air holding two bags, one in each hand, pondering where I could possibly go and stay for the night.

I walked and walked until the sun began to set.

At that point I was now by a Catholic church.

It was probably the best place I could think of to crash for the night.

Sighing I opened one of my bags and pulled out a blanket and pillow setting up a small makeshift bed behind the church.

It wasn't cold outside so I wouldn't worry about freezing to death in the night.

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_Now I don't know why when it rains it pours,_

I was woken by a down pour of rain.

The rain was warm, but I was already drenched.

I packed my blanket and pillow up quickly to try and find a warm place to stay, but it was still dark outside.

The rain had soaked me down to the bone, and with nowhere to go I had to take it.

Finally I was able to understand what it felt like to have nothing in life.

To have lost everything and be unable to have a place to call home, and to have no one to go to; it was terrible.

_But I know one thing that you've got for sure,_

I walked the streets through the down pour blindly.

There was no set destination in my mind as I walked by people driving around in their cars.

So I ended up stumbling blindly.

I'm not sure how long I stumbled across the streets, but somehow I ended up at Clary's house.

Timidly I knocked on her door.

This was the Clary I was going to propose to surely she wouldn't turn me down when I needed her most?

I felt despair rise in my chest when she didn't answer at first.

There was no one for me.

Clary didn't want me here either.

As I turned to leave her door opened and she said:

"Hey Jace."

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_Yeah yeah, you've got for sure, yeah,_

When she saw my situation she took me in immediately saying we could take turns sleeping on the couch until she got another bed in her spare room.

She didn't turn me away, but took me in instead.

As soon as she let me in I changed into warm clothes while she made a pot of tea for me to drink.

I sat on her couch gratefully as she bustled around freaking out about how I was going to get pneumonia because I didn't come to her sooner.

It was nice to have someone taking care of me again.

_When you don't know what to believe in,_

Clary went to bed over an hour ago.

The feeling of despair I had at her door had come back as soon as Clary left me alone.

What will happen when Clary kicks me out?

I won't have anyone else to turn to after her.

I don't even have a God to believe in at this point.

When Clary told me about not knowing what to believe in I thought it was kind of silly of her, but I had told her to believe in me.

But right now I don't have anything to believe in?

Should I believe that I'll get a new job soon?

Should I still believe in a God who lets bad things happen to me?

As of right now I don't know what to believe in.

My thoughts are all to jumbled to really find anything to believe in.

_Let me be your religion,_

As I sat on her couch Clary came out of her bedroom.

"Jace?" Her groggy voice asked quietly.

"I'm here babe." I answered reassuringly.

"Can you not sleep out here?" Her voice was deeper than usual from sleep.

I couldn't sleep at here because my thoughts were consuming me.

They were eating away at my insides telling me that I was all alone with no family, no God, and nobody who will be a permanent.

"I'll be your religion."

Clary's voice was closer now than it had been.

When I turned around I realized she was right behind the couch instead of at the doorway to the living room.

I looked up at her remembering when I said words similar to that to her when she was going through a hard time.

_It's a fucked up world that we live in,_

As Clary stood behind the couch I belatedly realized how much of a fucked up world it is.

Bad things happen all of the time whether we realize that they're happening or we don't.

Sometimes we don't even understand someone's pain until we've gone through it ourselves.

I know what it's like to feel like you have nothing, but sitting here in Clary's house with Clary I know that I have something.

Whether the world is completely fucked or not, I'll always have Clary to be something that I can believe in.

_So let me be your religion,_

_Yeah._

"You are." I whispered back into the quiet of the night.

Clary didn't say anything back, but she didn't need to because I know that she heard my quiet words.

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_Let me be the one you go to,_

_When you start to cry,_

I had moved in with Clary almost five months.

After searching for a few months I was able to find another job.

The pay wasn't the best, but Clary and I could suffice off both of our pays.

She shouldn't need to have a job.

I should be able to be the one to support the both of us.

Feeling upset I sat on Cary's couch, which is where I've found myself going more and more when I'm upset, and thought of where I could go to get a job with better pay.

As I was thinking about this I heard sniffles coming from down the hall.

I was about to stand up when Clary emerged from the bathroom with a blotched face and tears running down her cheeks.

She looked at me hesitantly as if unsure what she should do; whether she should go to me or disappear.

I opened my arms and that was all she needed before she walked over to me and fell on top of me and began crying more.

I kissed the top of her head, "What's wrong babe?" I asked quietly.

"Jace…. I- I….. pregnant." She said between hiccups.

I pulled my head off of her and looked at her in shock.

We had only done it once and now she was pregnant because of it?

"That's not possible." I blurted out.

That was all she needed to pull out of my arms and run to her room slamming the door behind her.

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"Clary?"

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She didn't answer for over an hour and I felt like an inconsiderate asshole.

I didn't mean it the way I said it, and I needed her to know that I didn't.

_Let me be the one that holds you,_

_When you're asking why,_

"Clary, please come out?" I tried again to no avail.

She stayed in there for nearly three hours.

I was getting ready to break the door down when she finally came out.

Her face was still blotchy and she was still sniffling.

Without hesitating I strode up to her and pulled her into my arms.

Clary didn't fight me, nor did she say anything.

She silently stood in my embrace, accepting it.

"I'm sorry."

I told her quietly and kissed the top of her head.

"Why me Jace?" She asked

She sounded so damn broken in that one sentence that I just pulled her closer to me.

Clary didn't deserve this.

_I can only imagine what you're going through, babe,_

_But please,_

We stood like that for a while not saying anything to the other.

I could sympathize with a lot of those things, but I had no idea how Clary possibly felt.

How was I supposed to?

She was in pain though, and she needed me to be here for her.

"I want to keep it." Clary whispered sadly.

"Then we'll keep it." I replied firmly.

I felt Clary nod her head before gripping my shirt tighter.

I kissed the top of her head.

My hands rubbed up and down her back soothingly as she cried softly into my shirt.

_When you don't know what to believe in,_

_Let me be your religion,_

"You know I'm still your religion?" I asked as I laid beside Clary in her bed.

"I know." She responded quietly, "And I'm yours."

I nodded my head even though he couldn't see.

Kissing the top of her head I held her tightly to my chest.

_It's a fucked up world that we live in, _

"Things will get better Clary, I promise. Everything's just a little fucked for now."

"I believe you."

"_So let me be your religion_? As you go through this?" I asked her softly.

"_Yeah." _Was he silent answer.

I kissed the top of her head and smiled.

We'll go through this together and come out of it together, so long as we have each other.

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><p><strong>This is legit what I spent my day doing.<strong>

**The italics in the quotations the: "_So let me be your religion?... Yeah." _That's how the song ends. **

**Surprisingly this wasn't a depressing story. Surprise! No pain really. **

**I hope you guys enjoyed this.**


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